So much has changed since then. My last post was all about how I had a new accountability partner, and how we were going to go on this big diet and finally lose weight. But... that kinda fell through.
I am not sure that I can go into details without the fear of being sent before a firing squat, and I'm a little to classy for that anyhow. But, let me just say this : I have learned that no matter how much time and energy you dedicate to a relationship, and no matter how much time you devoted to someone else's problems, laughing with them, or praying for them, there is no guarantee that friendships will last forever. People who you thought would always be there for you can turn into strangers overnight, and the more drama someone has in their life, the more likely it is that you will turn into drama for them in the future.
I have also learned that when friendships end, it is usually for the best. You don't realized how emotionally draining any relationship really is until you severe ties with that person.
The thing is, I am happy now. I know this is supposed to be my "fat blog", but instead of worrying about how I look, I worry about how I feel. Am I healthy? Do I love myself?
When I started this blog, I felt as if I had to lose weight to have any sense of self worth. But, as I mature, I realize that there is so much more to who I am than the number I see when I step on the scale. Do I love the way I look in the mirror? Not really. But do I hate the way I look in the mirror? Definitely not!
Letting my weight enslave me was one of the worst things that I have ever let myself do. I don't know how I let my goal to be skinny consume me, but it was no more healthy than the fact that I am overweight to begin with.
I'm learning to love myself, because these days I realize more and more how much I am loved by those around me.... I trust their judgement.
So, for now I'm not going to focus on how fast I can lose weight or how skinny I can become. I am going to focus on slowing making healthy changes, and give my body what it deserves, no matter how big or how small I become. I'm going to live my life the best way that I can. I'm going to have fun, experience new things... and eat all of the banana splits that I damn well please!
